596 Spring Circle, garage suite
Washington, UT 84780
Senior Austin
12 Randolph Court, Apt. 102 Farifield, Ohio 45014-4383
Dear Senior Austin!
I know, I know, you didn’t think cats could talk or write a letter, but that’s just what we want you to think. Cats do have the power of speech, but it is beneath us to speak to our minions. Because, let’s face it, you live to serve me! But for you, I will make an exception because you’re one of my favorite people. If you tell anyone I said that, I will deny it. First of all, where are you???? I’ve been wondering if you have used up all of your 9 lives or something like that. My humans here just aren’t as good as you at letting me use them for pouncing practice or a scratching pole. Nobody lets me use their arm for biting and harassment like you, although I do try now and then.
Your brother, the shorter guy, thinks he is the cat whisperer. He’s good for talking to, but not much action. At least he brings me food and water when I command it. Your sister, she makes idle threats like she’s going to shiskabob me for dinner, but I am smarter than she is, and I know this is false. Your mom, well, she’s good for rubbing behind the ears and talking to me. And your Dad, I don’t know about him; he says he likes your dog Quik more than me and makes horrible noises with the motorcycle (that’s why I like to get hair and paw prints on his ride) but I know he worships me and he only pretends to despise me. I know everything, by the way. Oh, and tell your dad that people who hate cats will come back as mice in their next life!
I have noticed that there is one major difference between you and me: You work 16 hours an day and sleep 8 hours a day; and I sleep 16 hours a day, and play for the other 8 hours. Let’s get one thing clear, I do what I want, when I want. I am the master, and you are to tend to my every need.
The mystery remains though, where are you? I don’t know where you are and don’t know when you will come back home. I’m saving many mice and lizards for you, and even though I will be elated to see you again one day, I will have to pretend to ignore you and walk away so the others in the house won’t know you are my true favorite.
Well human, hang in there. Every time you get knocked down (or tossed in the air, for that matter); try to land on your feet. Wishing you more than 9 lives,
Love always,
JewelPS – No amount of masking tape can remove my fur from your clothes and couch. Oh, and if I don’t like the way my litter box is cleaned, I will throw up in the garage.
Jewel sent Elder Ipson a package too including: bird Peeps, Goldfish crackers, mouse traps, Hello Kitty stickers, lint roller, KitKats, and Tuna. Hope this makes him smile! :)
